Nigerian Kate Moss

So something has been bothering me for a bit. The niggling doubt at the back of my mind began sometime in August, on a couch in a house in Lagos on a barmy Saturday afternoon. The quiet whir of the air conditioner and the reduced muttering of the voices on screen did nothing to distract me from the conversation going on in the sitting room as my parents and their friends discussed, the only way we know how; loudly.

People wonder from time to time how I became the assertive sometimes (SOMEtimes) aggressive woman I am…then they meet my dad, or watch my mum…or visit my house and a light of comprehension is kindled in their eyes. I love my home, it’s noisy, boisterous, warm & loving (in an a strange way). But I digress.

So sitting in the living room hearing the loud discussions that revolve around the basics; politics, social ills, war…yeah the basics in every household. We discussed for the umpteenth time the Problem With Today’s Youth. The talk winded slowly to women’s dressing. At this point a visiting uncle boldly suggested that women are the architects of their destruction. Apparently the way women dress today is the reason our graduates are half-baked, they seduce their way through the higher institutions. Yeah, you see the way women dress is the SOLE reason they continue to be used as pawns in banks to bait wealthy investors. In fact it’s the reason constant electricity and clean water are unavailable to the masses. Oh! If only you women would cover your mammary glands and not wear those damned thongs our streets would be paved with gold as clean water suddenly gushes forth from silver taps and electrons collide to provide constant electricity. Yes, YES this is definitely the way.

In fact, the conversation went on to include a proverb. Apparently, our forefathers say “If a woman stands naked in the market place, she should not be surprised by the events that unfold”. Oho! That is when my ears pricked up like a rabid dog sighting a chubby cripple. SO, a woman who dresses in an 'exposing manner' should not be surprised when unflattering overtures are made to her. Ok, the feminist in me struggled but I could see some method in the madness, see the reasoning behind the statement.

Fast forward to one Sunday afternoon in November. Relaxing in another sitting room watching HiTv. A serious debate is raging on my screen as a Nigerian talk show hosts a lively discussion between some Nigerian youth and select lecturers and officials from several homegrown universities.

To my chagrin, a well-read lecturer admonishes a young girl for suggesting that some centres of higher learning house severely lecherous men who harass their students into bartering sexual favours for good grades, grades that they sometimes deserve sex-free. The female lecturer sharply informs the undergraduate that these ladies are not victims because their dressing suggests, nay BEGS the lecturers to trade scores for sex.

Still I muttered “method in the madness” and moved on. Worried that if I thought too much about this, I might not like the conclusion I reach.

But yesterday night, I read a very interesting article on the entertaining 234next.com. The writer made some solid points about Nigerian women, indecent exposure and the “I’m aware” syndrome. (That carelessly arrogant reply that follows a passer-by’s anxiety that a lady’s right boob might do a Janet Jackson on us). While I found the article interesting, the comments that followed fascinated me no end. The most entertaining were;

“Daughters and sisters of Jezebel, eh! What do you expect?.Notice me. Signs of the end times we are in. A result of the seeds we have been sowing for long now. Do you think it will abate soon? May be when we change our thought processes as well as embrace lasting VALUES. Until our females start becoming WOMEN. I dare to say that we have few women around today. Any female on skirt should not considere herself or be considered as a woman. Woman is a name of honour. So agree with me when I say that there are very few women alive in Nigeria today. Majority are just females , with no enduring values to offer. Cry my beloved earth.”

“'i am aware' that 99% of the 'girls or 'ladies' that this piece is directed at do not know how to read or listen to anything more serious than fashion mags and Mtv.This generation is totally different..i saw a 3-year old the other day that had been dressed by her mum in a tight-fitting tank top exposing non-existent breasts plus a micro-mini skirt complete with knee-length boots and permed hair..talk about 'catching them young'! think of how fully AWARE she will be by the time she is 16!”

“Nigerians go too far at times. Undergraduates in the UK do not have money to wear expensive clothes or time to reveal parts of their bodies because it is very difficult to get a pass mark over here. Nigerian undergraduates reveal too much and blame "Messrs" Lecturer for chasing them.”

And the one dear to my heart;

“To all the holy rollers....shut the **** up and focus on how we can have electricity 24/7.”

You see, the only reason this indecent exposure issue gives me pause is that it reveals a deeper rooted problem in our society than originally assumed. Before going into this identified problem, I will humbly put to you that the fact that Nigerian women might sometimes dress inappropriately is often simply due to a minor miscalculation on our part. What looks decent on a mannequin or size 0 model is grossly transformed to the archetype of suggestiveness when worn on a stereotypical African woman; heaving bosom, small waist, round tummy, wide child-bearing hips, high and proud backside, toned legs and a strong back. Now what Kate Moss looked like a pre-pubescent teen in, our Nigerian Amazonian transforms into sex-on-legs. What our ‘holy rollers’ fail to understand is that most of these women are not necessarily looking to seduce, they are just going for pretty. If they land at sexy then Hey! What’s a sistah ‘posed to do?!

Now am I saying we should not dress age and size appropriately? Nope. It is advisable that we indeed do so. But we musn’t go round assuming women are all out, looking to seduce…because if we did, the alternative is to go burka-style, covered head to toe…because there will be a man somewhere who gets excited by a woman’s ear wax and will surely complain (another commenter mentioned this in reply to the article).

NOW, to the issue that has worried me since August. So we say our women are not the true victims with their exposed cleavage and midriffs, that in wearing ‘revealing’ (refer to ear wax comment) outfits, they are in essence asking to be derogated to/fondled/raped etc. Are we also suggesting that our men can not be controlled? In essence they have no self-control? Potentially so tempted are our men, that they regress to tapping on animal instincts and seize without summon from the woman in question? Because if we are, we have the same fear as those racist so and so’s we always condemn. Those colonialists, neo or otherwise, who believe the African man is sub-human. Half man and half beast, stuck in his current crisis due to an inability to dominate his baser urges.

So these our Nigerian men should not be blamed because our voluptuous women tempt them beyond their control? Our 21st century men, our lecturers in all their wisdom and knowledge, our bank managers with their power and control should not be held liable for seizing without permission because the woman implicitly asked for it? Well that is good news. Now I know that those lecturers in the premier universities of the world with students half dressed in the summer heat MUST be lesser men. Let us continue to excuse the actions of our men and heap the blame on the neatly braided skulls of our women as this will make those gold-paved streets and silver taps a reality.

*Shrugs*