So I’m back like a nasty weave on an oblivious negro’s head, after a test that shook the very foundation of my soul, an exam that found me looking hard at my image in the mirror proclaiming “Self, e be like say water don pass garri oh!” Yes, I was remorselessly humbled. By mere ink.
In my time away I also ventured into the cemented plains of the modern jungle. I trudged through the wild terrains of the ‘dark’ continent a.k.a Da Tod World. I went to one of my fave places in the whole wide world, Nigeria. You know that no one appreciates drama like Nigerians, we love, revere, worship and ensure it has its glorious moments. So tales on the motherland shall be coming soon;-)
But I digress.
Today’s exactly one month from the day I took the bar exam. By this time last month I was in a room with many other confused souls, trying to lie our way through an exam that was solely created to measure endurance not intelligence. The 2 days of the NY bar were an entertaining experience, I realised for the umpteenth time why I despise lawyers so. The Buffalo centre was the smallest in the country but somehow we managed to account for almost five thousand souls. Yes, all jockeying to be lawyers. Why?!?!?
I hate lawyers. Put many lawyers in one place and you soon realise that we are the most egotistical, arrogant and annoying group of homo-sapiens in the world’s oxygen space. From the insufferable know-it-all’s in the Yale hoodies to those masking inferiority complexes by wearing superior sneers in their University ‘at’ Buffalo hoodies (until you see the 'grimy-ness' of Buffalo, you may not fully appreciate my eternal irritation with the members of this university who were actually bold enough to act superior, brave enough to brandish their school hoodies in such a public gathering and brazen enough to act superior WHILE wearing said hoodie. Er….you need more people, 2 midgets AND a dwarf to confirm that you are indeed as great as you keep telling us you are- Signed, the other 3559 billion humans.)
The test lasted for 2 days and after having to leave our hotel at half 7 each morning, best believe I was too inrritated (and nervous) to stomach students, uncles & grandparents alike, boasting of their numerous qualifications (which is what talkative lawyers love to do with their free time; acting like they are in a perpetual courtroom with the entire world their willing listeners).
In my time away I also ventured into the cemented plains of the modern jungle. I trudged through the wild terrains of the ‘dark’ continent a.k.a Da Tod World. I went to one of my fave places in the whole wide world, Nigeria. You know that no one appreciates drama like Nigerians, we love, revere, worship and ensure it has its glorious moments. So tales on the motherland shall be coming soon;-)
But I digress.
Today’s exactly one month from the day I took the bar exam. By this time last month I was in a room with many other confused souls, trying to lie our way through an exam that was solely created to measure endurance not intelligence. The 2 days of the NY bar were an entertaining experience, I realised for the umpteenth time why I despise lawyers so. The Buffalo centre was the smallest in the country but somehow we managed to account for almost five thousand souls. Yes, all jockeying to be lawyers. Why?!?!?
I hate lawyers. Put many lawyers in one place and you soon realise that we are the most egotistical, arrogant and annoying group of homo-sapiens in the world’s oxygen space. From the insufferable know-it-all’s in the Yale hoodies to those masking inferiority complexes by wearing superior sneers in their University ‘at’ Buffalo hoodies (until you see the 'grimy-ness' of Buffalo, you may not fully appreciate my eternal irritation with the members of this university who were actually bold enough to act superior, brave enough to brandish their school hoodies in such a public gathering and brazen enough to act superior WHILE wearing said hoodie. Er….you need more people, 2 midgets AND a dwarf to confirm that you are indeed as great as you keep telling us you are- Signed, the other 3559 billion humans.)
The test lasted for 2 days and after having to leave our hotel at half 7 each morning, best believe I was too inrritated (and nervous) to stomach students, uncles & grandparents alike, boasting of their numerous qualifications (which is what talkative lawyers love to do with their free time; acting like they are in a perpetual courtroom with the entire world their willing listeners).
Man: “Oh, I am just doing this just for fun, I am qualified in Wyoming, Kansas and Oaklahoma, I just thought it would be fun to see how easy the New York state bar exam is. I don’t need it”
Me*thinks*: "WELL THEN, SIT YO OL' ASS AT HOME THEN or reduce your volume here!"
OR the lady whispering word for word Property Law, exactly as it was written in the book…all while her face got redder as she held her breath in a bid to remember every 'is', 'or '& 'of'…Oh how I longed for her to cast her mind towards the 'go', 'to' & 'hell' categories. *Sigh*.
For some reason I was seated at the very centre of some students from Syracruse University(it's o.k to draw a blank at this point) who insisted on loudly conversing with each other like so: “John, remember when we did Homicide in Torts with Professor McDermott and I got the highest grade in the class?" To which John would reply in the affirmative and go on to replace thay story with a tale of his own Legal Herculean feats. All such tales always ended with the teller achieving glorious grades. In other words, they are smart people. (Again, dear midgets and solo dwarf, we need your presence in confirmation of these dubious tales.)
The last straw as far as I was concerned were the 2 Nigerian ladies…you know say Nigeria no dey carry last! Wherever there are humans congregating, Nigerians must be counted in their number. Nefarious or honourable, Naija must dey. So there I was, after the first round of questions had played Ludo with my emotions, sitting alone outside at break time, meditating on my life; trying hard to not consider alternative careers as lawyers around me boasted of the great feats their intelligent brains allowed them to achieve in the exam hall. I was taking my anger out on my sandwhich and picking on my meagre lunch, when came these two ladies who like Miss Muppet’s Spider, sat down beside me. I knew from ‘Go!’ that these two ladies came from the Western zones of Mama Africa.
Was it the gel-packing hair style of the first woman? Or the red and gold braids reminiscent of that wayward singer Patra *dips & falls back* that scraped the second ladies bum? Or the slipper-sandal concoctions with their mutli patterned and multi-coloured surface and pointed tip so sharp each lady could, I suspect, stand on one shoe and draw a perfect circle with the other leg of her shoe….so pointed were the shoes' tips. Such was its compass-like quality.
The bright coloured matching top and trouser spandex/lycra combination reminiscent of nollywood starlets like Ini Edo just added to the general vibe of that ‘Nigerian Aunty With The Sweetest Gist About Everyone’. I was already smiling before they sat down. My smile quickly turned into a full blown laugh as they, oblivious to the fascinated face watching them, began to discuss their exam tactics; apparently after not doing any studying they had taken the exam on a whim and with much prayer and fasting. They claimed they were assured of success. When confronted with questions that looked like they were written in rural Japanese, Lady One said she just dropped her pencil, slept for a while….then awoke and began to pray and ask the spirit to “….just do the work, I don’t want to do anything.” She opened her eyes and just began to shade any answer on the objective test answer sheet. All led by the spirit.
I was hard pressed to tell her that the Chinese girl next to me also employed this tactic…she slept for half the time, woke up and began shade. Without once glancing at the question paper. I wonder what spirit spoke to her.
The bright coloured matching top and trouser spandex/lycra combination reminiscent of nollywood starlets like Ini Edo just added to the general vibe of that ‘Nigerian Aunty With The Sweetest Gist About Everyone’. I was already smiling before they sat down. My smile quickly turned into a full blown laugh as they, oblivious to the fascinated face watching them, began to discuss their exam tactics; apparently after not doing any studying they had taken the exam on a whim and with much prayer and fasting. They claimed they were assured of success. When confronted with questions that looked like they were written in rural Japanese, Lady One said she just dropped her pencil, slept for a while….then awoke and began to pray and ask the spirit to “….just do the work, I don’t want to do anything.” She opened her eyes and just began to shade any answer on the objective test answer sheet. All led by the spirit.
I was hard pressed to tell her that the Chinese girl next to me also employed this tactic…she slept for half the time, woke up and began shade. Without once glancing at the question paper. I wonder what spirit spoke to her.
