I heard.....

"Before pigeons used to get scared at the slightest thing. Now days they look at you as if to say "BLUD, r u gunna dooo me suttin doe!?!?" PIGEONS ARE GETTIN TOO BRAVE!!!!"

-From the Facebook group, Pigeons Are Getting Too Brave. THIS is reason 43,567,170 why I love London town.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!

Happy/Merry/Jolly Christmas!!! Thank God for the gift of Christmas and all it represents...which is embodied in my favourite carol:



P.S: There's no point arguing when Jesus was born. When will the world realise that for Christians its the 'what' rather than 'whys' and 'whens'?

Oh Holy Night

O Holy Night! The stars are brightly shining,
It is the night of the dear Saviour's birth.
Long lay the world in sin and error pining.
Till He appeared and the Spirit felt its worth.
A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices,
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.
Fall on your knees! Oh, hear the angel voices!
O night divine, the night when Christ was born;
O night, O Holy Night , O night divine!
O night, O Holy Night , O night divine!

Led by the light of faith serenely beaming,
With glowing hearts by His cradle we stand.
O'er the world a star is sweetly gleaming,
Now come the wisemen from out of the Orient land.
The King of kings lay thus lowly manger;
In all our trials born to be our friend.
He knows our need, our weakness is no stranger,
Behold your King! Before him lowly bend!
Behold your King! Before him lowly bend!

Truly He taught us to love one another,
His law is love and His gospel is peace.
Chains he shall break, for the slave is our brother.
And in his name all oppression shall cease.
Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we,
With all our hearts we praise His holy name.
Christ is the Lord! Then ever, ever praise we,
His power and glory ever more proclaim!
His power and glory ever more proclaim!

The Benettonian Approach

It’s the season to be merry and all that goodness so a jollified seasons greetings to all! May the [surprisingly] unconditional love of God pervade this commercialized Rudolf-ridden season and find its way to your hearts & hearths.

(I haven’t blogged in a bit, not because I have run out of things to say, *whispers “Tufiakwa” whilst simultaneously spitting on the ground and snapping fingers over head like an Igbo elder receiving bad news at the dibia’s shrine*. I have quite simply, been busy. Life happened. As ‘it’ will continue to happen (God willing) there’s no use apologising). To today’s news.

“The British National Party is made up of refugees, migrating from the reality of the real world”
- columnist from the Evening Standard, whose name I forget now.

So I have concluded that I’m definitely not reading The Evening Standard on the tube ever again. I’m sitting here with all sorts of looks running after each other on my rather expressive face. I’m confused, then fascinated, then tickled, then heavily ANNOYED and finally so incredulous that I have to physically restrain the fingers of my right hand from reaching out and poking the now dozing hombre on my right, shouting “Can you BUHHLEEEVVE the nerve of this damn fool?!?!”...whilst pointing viciously at the newspaper in my hand. The reason for this aggression is found littered all over the comment section of this paper:

Race.

Little thanks to the BNP, the general populace of England has, in the last months of 2009, either grown fiercely patriotic or excessively liberal. The normally apathetic of course remain unmoved, but we don’t care about The Don’t Cares.

That many people in 21st century London are rather suspicious of immigration laws, societal intergration and race is not new, strange (or interesting) information. However, most people have managed to hide under the banner of tolerance by putting up an accepting front of people from varied backgrounds and cultures. To a certain extent the BNP debate blew a little of the lid off that tin.

In London today, you would be forgiven for thinking we are all liberal minded individuals roaming round the littered city streets but one thing I learnt from the uproar surrounding Nick Griffin’s appearance on Question Time is that The Patriots *does air quotes* number far and exceedingly above the figure originally suspected. It’s just that in today’s world where Common and Lily Allen duet, you can really only afford to be racist or bigoted inside...DEEP inside. So more people than we would like to believe are distrustful and afraid of people who are unlike them. But they keep any suspicion, fear or even hatred deeply buried, disguised by a veneer of acceptance and normalcy. Just like a religious, married M.P with 3 kids, from Framlingham…whose dearest fantasy is to be a cross-dressing cage fighter. I mean, do you *Kanye shrug*…just don’t let anyone else know and we’ll all live happily ever after. (At least until your insatiable desire to rock frocks causes you to mistakenly wear red kitten heels to a Parliamentary meeting paired with your Brooks Brothers suit... or do something equally media-friendly.)

On the pages of the free newspapers, the comment sections in August and September were sprinkled with comments whose undertones said one of two things on the race/immigration debate. There was an equal divide between the Patriots on one hand and the Liberals on the other hand. The former group support of Griffin and what he represents. They have fallen for the BNP’s rhetoric of reverting the damage caused by ‘foreigners’ (by foreigners I assume they refer to 1st, 2nd and 3rd generation men, women and children some of whom had very little say in deciding to settle in this country…that is obviously overflowing with milk and honey *ahem*). The Liberals on the other hand, argue for freedom for freedom’s sake. With little or no support for the BNP’s policy, they staunchly advocate the freedom of every one with an opinion to spew forth unrestrained, no matter how asinine or insidious to a brittle electorate straining under the weight of an economic downturn and searching for anyone to dump the blame on. While I do support the U.S’s first amendment and believe the right to free speech is a hallmark of a democratic and progressive society in this 21st century, I believe that giving free reign to ignorant and uneducated rhetoric cleverly disguised as fact has caused serious problems in the world’s history. Please refer to Hitler’s hate-fueled propaganda for details. BUT, I will ruefully admit that the dissemination of information, no matter how useless, is the basis of a free society. After all, if we are still allowing the Kardashians drone on aimlessly on our box-screens, why shouldn’t Griffin be allowed to mix verbs and consonants all day long on the public airwaves?

In this case I am especially happy that Nick Griffin and the BNP have been given a chance to expose themselves simply because despite the heavy criticism meted out by vexed members of the public, the BNP confirms that the membership of the party grew after their exposure. For some this showed that insidious ideas must be monitored and not given exposure to prevent them spreading and contaminating the public. For me, this growth merely confirmed the fraud that is the general English public. While we are so quick to point to our solo white, Jewish, hispanic or Muslim friend that will finally confirm to the world our United Colours of Benetton-ian approach to diversity, increasing numbers in the BNP’s ranks surely indicate that we are not as far along in this tiring game of self-deceit as we thought we were.

For some people the revelation of the extent to which we have been fooling ourselves as a society chaffed their righteous consciences. How can there be so many hidden racists amongst us? (Because try as you might, to convince yourself that the BNP is merely aggressive not racist is as foolish as calling an Ikwerre man an Igbo man to his face with full knowledge of the Nigerian civil war behind you and an understanding of the relationship between an Ikwerre man and his cutlass. This would be a foolish mistake you may only make once in your soon-to-be-severed lifetime).

Some people were upset and disappointed by the swelling ranks of the BNP but I wasn’t upset, just saddened but thankful that the truth was slowly coming to light. Rather than a hidden hatred of all things foreign, it is much better that intolerance be practiced in the open, if it at all. If there were a sign to let everyone know where one’s allegiance belonged on sight, that would make things easier. Some people would not bother to apply for certain jobs were class is a requirement, for instance. Others still would not bother going into establishments were skin pigmentation were graded…or even considered at all. And it would be convenient to know who to avoid at networking events. Amongst others.

The world would be much easier if we abandoned this Great Pretense and agreed that Super Barack or not, as a society we are in some ways mentally confined to the civil rights age as we wander about God’s grey earth; each race deathly afraid and eternally suspicious of the other. When the self-deceit stops, maybe the progress and real quest for unity will start. Until then let those of us that understand that the things that separate us are far smaller than those that unite us start the work, gaining one white, Jewish, hispanic or Muslim friend at a time.

(How's this for a Christmas message though!...Baby Jesus, Baubles & BNP..???.. MERRY CHRISTMAS!)

Our forefathers say...

"No be small thing plantain see before e change 'im name to ballee"

-Warri proverbs from Warri No Dey Carry Last

I heard.....

"Every other virgin from the harem took something of value into King Xerxes' bedchamber for their introduction whether it was his favourite food, an exotic dance she had learned with seductive props, or a treasure from her homeleand.

Esther brought herself, esteeming herself as the best gift she could offer."

-Esther 2:15, the Bible.

(See 'Chosen' by Ginger Garrett)

Take it to churchhhhhhhh!!!! *waves fan rapidly screaming Halle-loooo-jah!!*

Mimic The Master; Jesus & His actions

[Aside; Before I mount the pulpit *ahem* I would like to make it clear that these are my own (honestly flawed) reflections on the preaching at church, Worship Tabernacle in Belsize Park. I have decided to share them on this blog because…er, it’s my blog and I can do what I want to. (Well, short of killing an endangered species of Brazilian toads and smearing the blog with pictures of the bleeding Neckless…if the Blogspot.com users handbook is to be believed).
This is not a bible-thumping message of the “…Sinners, perish in the wilderness of the fiery beast…” variety. BUT if you don’t already believe Jesus is your friend and only real help in these trying times you should probably consider taking a leaf from your Facebook stalker and add Him…yes, you may poke Him several times a day and clog his messages, just to feel close to Him. He loves that stuff. If not…well, the rest of the post will be read with one of your daintily hairless but precisely measured and arched pseudo-eyebrows lifted and/or full of random mutterings and curses from you. Do yourself a favour.

Alors, allons y.

In church this December, we are learning about the mind of Christ (the reason for this season). What did this teacher/ brother/ deceiver/healer/friend/miracle worker/pretender/ arrogant so-and-so/saviour, have within Him that has kept billions bound through the ages? What was this mindset that made Him, son of God or great pretender, stand out through the ages? What can we learn from Him, Christian or not? Christians, how can we emulate the one who set us free, the one who redeemed us, this friend who listens?

This message is a continuation of last Sunday's(06.12) sermon. It was supposed to be posted on Sunday(12.12). Apologies.

The sole purpose of being Christian is to be like Christ. Not to get things. Not to live an adversity-free life or a poverty-prone one. But simply to be like Christ. The word Christian itself means to be Christ-like in nature. That’s our purpose on earth. Christmas is about the reality that Christ came into the world to duplicte himself in me. And you.

“As a man thinks in his heart, so is he…” according to Solomon the Sage in Proverbs 23:7. You are a process of your thoughts…that is why thinking like Christ is so important. Your thoughts shape your actions and words…in essence your thoughts determine your life. Your thoughts are an amalgamation of your exposures and influences. Doctor Luke in chapter 5 verse 16 of his book, tells us that Jesus often withdrew to out of the way places, to pray. This suggests that he had a constant, open, on-going relationship with God. In other words, he talked to Him a lot. He must have either enjoyed talking to Him or felt that each one of his prayers were precious and important to a Father & Friend that can and is willing to listen… or else what business do you have braving wilderness animals to find some quiet time to speak to yourself??!

The way to build your confidence, knowledge, skill as a person, as a Christian is to spend time around people with the relevant abilities. By constant communion with them you are inspired. That is what Jesus did with God, that’s what Paul did with the scriptures and that is what we need to do with Jesus. Spend time in God’s presence, He is the source of confidence, and wisdom, and hope, and peace, and mercy, and …(this could take a while) the more you spend time with Him, the more he rubs off on you and you begin to develop those qualities you like. Soon they become second nature to you. This one is tried and tested. *Nods aggressively*

Jesus was a calm person. We must realize that a restless heart leads to a reckless life. When you have peace in your soul, despite the surrounding circumstances, you will not be overwhelmed because you are in control. You can not be internally chaotic and expert to address the external chaos surrounding you, properly. You need to “Come to me and I will give you rest” Jesus says in Matt 11:28. Rest, not freedom from all adversity, but rest even in the midst of adversity. Peter suggests that you “…cast your cares upon the lord for he cares for you affectionately AND watches over you. “ (Peter 5:7). You matter, in the grand scheme of things your life is a NECESSARY part of the puzzle.

Even on the cross, with thick nails wedged between crossed feet, with shattered bones and pierced, torn flesh, Jesus was still about the Family business. Was it not on the same cross that one sinner would have missed out on heaven and eternal life by seconds if he had not held on to Jesus’ garment mentally, trusting in His power and in doing this, securing his salvation? Death and hell was cheated right in their faces, at the very end, Jesus snatched that sinner and would not let Him go. Right at deaths door…to see death’s face when cheated of so scrumptious a sinner when Jesus assured the thief that He would be with Him in paradise that evening. SO even in the midst of the worst of life’s storm, Jesus was still fully and calmy in charge. Talking to the frightened prisoner about to be crucified, giving him hope, showing compassion, and saving people by God’s love. Even in the midst of the most terrifying adversity. Right on the cross he was saving sinners and all what not like he was in a Bethlehem camp revival or Men’s league fellowship.

How did Jesus maintain such calm in the midst of the storm, move without urgency through life and achieve everything he did in his ministry?

1. He prioritized.
See the story of the 10 virgins in Matthew 25:1. The wise virgins refused to give out their oil to anyone that asked, understanding that the oil was given to them for a purpose. A purpose higher than the current urgency, the present request, the forced demand. So they said “NO! We can not, we will not, we shallll not be giving out none of this oil this here lantern, mmmkay??” *Finger snaps in ‘Z’ formation* Well they didn’t say that exactly but they definitely meant that. The 5 foolish virgins gave out their valuables to the wrong party and at crunch time, there was nothing to show for their sacrifice. Priotise your life. Put God first. Make time for God. Place value in yourself also. You are L’oreal-style, so very very worth it.

2. Jesus lived a life of faith. Not fear. 10% of life depends on what happens to you. 90% is dependent on your reaction to it. Life will suck at times. That is standard. But what do you do at those times when all you can feel is your fear? In the words of one poet, “I want to know if you can source your own life from its own presence…What sustains you from the inside when all else falls away?” One practical way to stay on the ball especially in this season, is to go into W.W.J.D mode. …*waits for all the snide laughter and smirks from the many possible meanings of that acronym to subside*. Think first, in any situation where you are conflicted, tempted, anxious, joyful; WHAT WOULD JESUS DO? While I’m not sure that this will guarantee success as I have just started practising it myself this week but …well it could save you from a lot of trouble…think, if only Yung Tiger had W.W.J.D’d it maybe he’d have still just been that one Asian-black celebrity that missed the Hott Bus.(Seriously, Tyson Beckford, Pharell, Kelis, Amerie, Kimora. And Mr Woods?)

As usual, I digress.

As Christians we have some defective attitudes that prevent us from thinking and acting like Christ.
Denial
Pretending the problem does not exist is not going to magically make it disappear. Face your problems head on and address it to the best of your ability.

Defeat
Playing the ‘Victim Role’ also known as the ‘Woe-Is-Me’. Or going by the lesser known name of ‘Dun Nobody Known Ma Suffrin’. There is never a situation where the words “….there is nothing I can do” applies. So long as you still have breath in your body and a rational thinking mind, there is always something you can do. Now is that something rolling on the floor from corner to corner like a recently revived Gerasene demoniac is really up to you.

Running
Don’t run from your problem or you will spend your life playing catch up. Face your problems squarely or they will keep cropping up.

As long as you live on this earth, you will face adversity. The wise ones amongst us make the most of adversity recognizing its character building propensity. Adversity will come, the only guarantee we have as Christians is that Jesus will not let us go through it alone. Truth, its at the worst times of my life that I have felt God’s presence the strongest, (whether I wanted it or not). Maybe because those were the times my human limitations were so obvious that I moved from slightly leaning on this power that is greater than me and my understanding to resting my all 65 kilograms of myself on Him.

According to God’s word*, the storm came against the house built on sand and that built on strong ground equally. What was the difference? At the end, there was only one house left standing. The house on the solid rock. Simply because it was founded on tougher material than the storm. Unshakeable rock, able to withstand storm after storm. After storm. Without breaking. That’s the kind of base we need to survive this volatile life.

What is your base?

*Matthew 7: 24-29

Our forefathers say...

"Lion say na him be the king of the jungle, elephant say him no dey the meeting that day"

-Warri proverbs from Warri No Dey Carry Last

I heard.....

'Dont treat situations as life or death... otherwise you will die a lot of times'

Foolery

Now I ask;

"Who dey new star...huh?!"



The ONLY reason I'd become a Twigga* is for the chance to send this video to P. Diddy 'Take that x2' Combs & 112.


Happy Monday! Happy Last week of school! Happy Exam week! Excited for 2010...yes, already. *beams*

*Yes apparently there are Twitter-niggas roaming around these here virtual reality streets...still not sure who they are though. Twitter fans with black thumbs? Or just those sending out Black Panther messages via Twitter? I heard the word from Sheri Shepherd. *Kanye shrug*

Favourite Things

Our forefathers say...

"Escort me..Escort me....na 'im slave trade take start"

-Warri proverbs from Warri No Dey Carry Last

Take it to churchhhhhhhh!!!! *waves fan rapidly screaming Halle-loooo-jah!!*

Mimic The Master

10-13 “The Spirit, not content to flit around on the surface, dives into the depths of God, and brings out what God planned all along. Who ever knows what you're thinking and planning except you yourself? The same with God—except that he not only knows what he's thinking, but he lets us in on it. God offers a full report on the gifts of life and salvation that he is giving us. We don't have to rely on the world's guesses and opinions. We didn't learn this by reading books or going to school; we learned it from God, who taught us person-to-person through Jesus, and we're passing it on to you in the same firsthand, personal way.

14-16 The unspiritual self, just as it is by nature, can't receive the gifts of God's Spirit. There's no capacity for them. They seem like so much silliness. Spirit can be known only by spirit—God's Spirit and our spirits in open communion. Spiritually alive, we have access to everything God's Spirit is doing, and can't be judged by unspiritual critics. Isaiah's question, "Is there anyone around who knows God's Spirit, anyone who knows what he is doing?" has been answered: Christ knows, and we have Christ's Spirit.”

[Aside; Before I mount the pulpit *ahem* I would like to make it clear that these are my own (honestly flawed) reflections on the preaching at church, Worship Tabernacle in Belsize Park. I have decided to share them on this blog because…er, it’s my blog and I can do what I want to. (Well, short of killing an endangered species of Brazilian toads and smearing the blog with pictures of the bleeding Neckless…if the Blogspot.com users handbook is to be believed).
This is not a bible-thumping message of the “…Sinners, perish in the wilderness of the fiery beast…” variety. BUT if you don’t already believe Jesus is your friend and only real help in these trying times you should probably consider taking a leaf from your Facebook stalker and add Him…yes, you may poke Him several times a day and clog his messages, just to feel close to Him. He loves that stuff. If not…well, the rest of the post will be read with one of your daintily hairless but precisely measured and arched pseudo-eyebrows lifted and/or full of random mutterings and curses from you. Do yourself a favour.

Alors, allons y.

In church this December, we are learning about the mind of Christ (the reason for this season). What did this teacher/ brother/ deceiver/healer/friend/miracle worker/pretender/ arrogant so-and-so/saviour, have within Him that has kept billions bound through the ages? What was this mindset that made Him, son of God or great pretender, stand out through the ages? What can we learn from Him, Christian or not? Christians, how can we emulate the one who set us free, the one who redeemed us, this friend who listens?

We began by dissecting the gospel of Jesus. Random fact, I heard that the word ‘Gospel’ literally translates from Greek or Aremaic (I forget which) to “News that is so good, it can NOT possibly be true!” But I digress.

WHY?

Why be on your WWJD grind? What are the merits of a Christ-like mind?

1 Corinthians 2:13-16 quoted above, tells us that the essence of God is His spirit. As we are made in His image, our essence is our spirit. This is why John prays for his friends success in business as well as the prosperity of his soul.

1-4 “The Pastor, to my good friend Gaius: How truly I love you! We're the best of friends, and I pray for good fortune in everything you do, and for your good health—that your everyday affairs prosper, as well as your soul!”

The prayer from 3 John 1-2, is for the well-being and joy of his friend Gaius based on the understanding that for the outside to prosper without the inside equally prospering, death of an emotional or spiritual kind is stalking close behind. When your soul prospers, everything else follows. King Solomon the Sage, tells us that out of the abundance of the soul the mouth speaks. The key to change the outside, is inside of you. Not the reverse as extreme make-over shows tell us. Waiting till your surroundings change so you can be happier, more fulfilled, at peace and so on is not really the way to go, it is in motivating your spirit and nourishing your soul to produce the optimum from your body and maximise your mind that your surroundings flourish.

Your mind should take instruction from your spirit. Which in turn gleans understanding from the Master’s Spirit. The spirit is the channel of communication with God because it was this Spirit that God breathed into us to give life in the first place. This is the lasting thread connecting the made to the maker. When your soul; your spirit-being does not prosper, how can you be fulfilled when the body is made of mind body & soul? Its like having a cerebral mind with a body ravaged by illness, you can not be described as in full health because all your faculties are not aligned. This is why a Christ-like mind is necessary; to give you balance, contentment in all things and confidence in yourself.

How?

How can one get this mind of which you speak oh street preacher on these thugging e-streets?

First, you cant mimic someone you don’t know. Hebrews 3:1 tells us to “Consider (observe, study) Jesus, the…High Priest of our confession”. How can we know Him when we don’t spend time with Him? We can’t study him when we are too far to see Him, make out His features, understand His ways, recognise His presence, His advice, His peace. The pastor suggests we wake up a few minutes earlier than normal (he actually said 20 minutes but I saw too many balking faces within his congregation especially from the 5am Cityboys & girls). But those few minutes draw us closer to the source. To the source of our strength, our hope, our joy, our peace...SO necessary to face another Monday of disturbingly dry classes. In practicing and imitating, we begin to look like him.

For our spirits to be healthy, we must study the Word to feed ourselves with things that speak to our spirits and nourish our souls. Feed ourselves to build our spirits and make us people that stand for God, for our values and beliefs in this day and age. Church is an addition, a snack or treat to balance the diet you fed on during the week. Not a 6 course meal that lasts from 11 to 1 every Sunday. What are we reading, watching, doing from Lundi a Vendredi, Monsieur et ‘demoiselle Dimanche?

Another way to build up your spirit is to help others. We must support the people around us because our salvation lies in uplifting, encouraging and looking out for others. That is what brings the joy of Christ, that David the psalmist sings is “…the strength of our life”. Its by helping others that your help comes…sometimes through the sudden realisation that someone has it worse than you, so much worse that your problem seems almost petty. It’s not gone, but it sure as hell is looking better from where you’re sitting.

Two things I like about Jesus’ mind

1. Jesus’ mind never seemed to entertain failure or defeat. He knew it could come, but he did not entertain it. He found solution after solution to problems no matter how dour things seemed or how anxious Peter & the crew were. 5,000 people and no bread? Look for someone with any food at all…even a miracle starts with SOMEthing. People crowding the temple and selling livestock? Bring me my whip Pete! Arresting time in Gethsamane? Your will be done. His mind was solidly anchored to victory. And Timothy 1.7 tells us it’s the same mind God has given us; a sound mind not a fearful one.

To be anchored to victory does not mean depression will not come, that fear will not race to us unbidden, or worry will not knock loudly after dropping its heavy suitcase on our porch. Lady Life is after all nothing but the bastard daughter of a diseased goat and will do her very best to unseat us from our throne of grace. But we like Jesus must be solution finders not problem hoarders, anchoring ourselves to the victory giver, Jesus. He calmly and boldly faced death, triumphing in the face of adversity because of a mindest that understood that victory regardless of the circumstances is assured.

The thing is, we don’t even realise what damage our thoughts can do. The devil acts on our most dominant thoughts, propelling us towards those thoughts and when they finally manifest we stand looking around confusedly like a foreigner at their first New Yam Festival. Not realising that you are the steering captain of your wrecked ship.

Finally, Christ’s never doubted his identity.

Jesus Christ honestly believed He was the image of God, viewed Himself as the image of God and his thoughts and actions aligned to this belief. We also, are made in God’s image (Genesis 1.26), that is why the bible says “Don’t you know that you are are god’s” in Psalm 82:6.

Your identity determines your ability. What you see when you look at yourself really limits or propels you. As a Christian if you knew who was backing you, you would un-limit yourself. It’s like playing that game where someone stands behind and promises to catch you when you fall backwards. To fall in the first place, you need to trust the person behind you has the ability to catch you. Only then will you fall freely. When you trust God to be there, you can live your life fully, expectantly, happily.

The problem with us is that we are so aware of what we don’t have that we forget what we do have; God on our side. If God is for us, Paul asks, who can be against us???! The fact that you are still alive means God has a plan and purpose for you. You are not forgotten. You have to remember that you are somebody, not just anybody. YOU matter, your life is purposeful, and very very precious to the one who created you, in His grand scheme of things.

Christ thought, did and believed the impossible. Know yourself, trust your God…with Him , impossible is nothing. Matthew 17:20.

Remember Romans 8:28; “All things work together for good for those that work according to his purpose.”
The Message bible version says; “That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.”

Like Houston, I like that.

Our forefathers say...

"...No be today nyash get centre parting"

-Warri proverbs from Warri No Dey Carry Last

I heard.....

Miranda: "But there's all those mixed signals..."
Burger: "Yeah, all code for he's not that into you though."

-Sex & The City

Nigerian Kate Moss

So something has been bothering me for a bit. The niggling doubt at the back of my mind began sometime in August, on a couch in a house in Lagos on a barmy Saturday afternoon. The quiet whir of the air conditioner and the reduced muttering of the voices on screen did nothing to distract me from the conversation going on in the sitting room as my parents and their friends discussed, the only way we know how; loudly.

People wonder from time to time how I became the assertive sometimes (SOMEtimes) aggressive woman I am…then they meet my dad, or watch my mum…or visit my house and a light of comprehension is kindled in their eyes. I love my home, it’s noisy, boisterous, warm & loving (in an a strange way). But I digress.

So sitting in the living room hearing the loud discussions that revolve around the basics; politics, social ills, war…yeah the basics in every household. We discussed for the umpteenth time the Problem With Today’s Youth. The talk winded slowly to women’s dressing. At this point a visiting uncle boldly suggested that women are the architects of their destruction. Apparently the way women dress today is the reason our graduates are half-baked, they seduce their way through the higher institutions. Yeah, you see the way women dress is the SOLE reason they continue to be used as pawns in banks to bait wealthy investors. In fact it’s the reason constant electricity and clean water are unavailable to the masses. Oh! If only you women would cover your mammary glands and not wear those damned thongs our streets would be paved with gold as clean water suddenly gushes forth from silver taps and electrons collide to provide constant electricity. Yes, YES this is definitely the way.

In fact, the conversation went on to include a proverb. Apparently, our forefathers say “If a woman stands naked in the market place, she should not be surprised by the events that unfold”. Oho! That is when my ears pricked up like a rabid dog sighting a chubby cripple. SO, a woman who dresses in an 'exposing manner' should not be surprised when unflattering overtures are made to her. Ok, the feminist in me struggled but I could see some method in the madness, see the reasoning behind the statement.

Fast forward to one Sunday afternoon in November. Relaxing in another sitting room watching HiTv. A serious debate is raging on my screen as a Nigerian talk show hosts a lively discussion between some Nigerian youth and select lecturers and officials from several homegrown universities.

To my chagrin, a well-read lecturer admonishes a young girl for suggesting that some centres of higher learning house severely lecherous men who harass their students into bartering sexual favours for good grades, grades that they sometimes deserve sex-free. The female lecturer sharply informs the undergraduate that these ladies are not victims because their dressing suggests, nay BEGS the lecturers to trade scores for sex.

Still I muttered “method in the madness” and moved on. Worried that if I thought too much about this, I might not like the conclusion I reach.

But yesterday night, I read a very interesting article on the entertaining 234next.com. The writer made some solid points about Nigerian women, indecent exposure and the “I’m aware” syndrome. (That carelessly arrogant reply that follows a passer-by’s anxiety that a lady’s right boob might do a Janet Jackson on us). While I found the article interesting, the comments that followed fascinated me no end. The most entertaining were;

“Daughters and sisters of Jezebel, eh! What do you expect?.Notice me. Signs of the end times we are in. A result of the seeds we have been sowing for long now. Do you think it will abate soon? May be when we change our thought processes as well as embrace lasting VALUES. Until our females start becoming WOMEN. I dare to say that we have few women around today. Any female on skirt should not considere herself or be considered as a woman. Woman is a name of honour. So agree with me when I say that there are very few women alive in Nigeria today. Majority are just females , with no enduring values to offer. Cry my beloved earth.”

“'i am aware' that 99% of the 'girls or 'ladies' that this piece is directed at do not know how to read or listen to anything more serious than fashion mags and Mtv.This generation is totally different..i saw a 3-year old the other day that had been dressed by her mum in a tight-fitting tank top exposing non-existent breasts plus a micro-mini skirt complete with knee-length boots and permed hair..talk about 'catching them young'! think of how fully AWARE she will be by the time she is 16!”

“Nigerians go too far at times. Undergraduates in the UK do not have money to wear expensive clothes or time to reveal parts of their bodies because it is very difficult to get a pass mark over here. Nigerian undergraduates reveal too much and blame "Messrs" Lecturer for chasing them.”

And the one dear to my heart;

“To all the holy rollers....shut the **** up and focus on how we can have electricity 24/7.”

You see, the only reason this indecent exposure issue gives me pause is that it reveals a deeper rooted problem in our society than originally assumed. Before going into this identified problem, I will humbly put to you that the fact that Nigerian women might sometimes dress inappropriately is often simply due to a minor miscalculation on our part. What looks decent on a mannequin or size 0 model is grossly transformed to the archetype of suggestiveness when worn on a stereotypical African woman; heaving bosom, small waist, round tummy, wide child-bearing hips, high and proud backside, toned legs and a strong back. Now what Kate Moss looked like a pre-pubescent teen in, our Nigerian Amazonian transforms into sex-on-legs. What our ‘holy rollers’ fail to understand is that most of these women are not necessarily looking to seduce, they are just going for pretty. If they land at sexy then Hey! What’s a sistah ‘posed to do?!

Now am I saying we should not dress age and size appropriately? Nope. It is advisable that we indeed do so. But we musn’t go round assuming women are all out, looking to seduce…because if we did, the alternative is to go burka-style, covered head to toe…because there will be a man somewhere who gets excited by a woman’s ear wax and will surely complain (another commenter mentioned this in reply to the article).

NOW, to the issue that has worried me since August. So we say our women are not the true victims with their exposed cleavage and midriffs, that in wearing ‘revealing’ (refer to ear wax comment) outfits, they are in essence asking to be derogated to/fondled/raped etc. Are we also suggesting that our men can not be controlled? In essence they have no self-control? Potentially so tempted are our men, that they regress to tapping on animal instincts and seize without summon from the woman in question? Because if we are, we have the same fear as those racist so and so’s we always condemn. Those colonialists, neo or otherwise, who believe the African man is sub-human. Half man and half beast, stuck in his current crisis due to an inability to dominate his baser urges.

So these our Nigerian men should not be blamed because our voluptuous women tempt them beyond their control? Our 21st century men, our lecturers in all their wisdom and knowledge, our bank managers with their power and control should not be held liable for seizing without permission because the woman implicitly asked for it? Well that is good news. Now I know that those lecturers in the premier universities of the world with students half dressed in the summer heat MUST be lesser men. Let us continue to excuse the actions of our men and heap the blame on the neatly braided skulls of our women as this will make those gold-paved streets and silver taps a reality.

*Shrugs*

I heard.....

"We dey dance 'Alanta', we dey Hip, we dey Hop."

-TuFace's Enter The Place

Randoms

Growing up, my Lagos-bred mama often told my second sister (who is now appropriately at Harvard. Yes, totally irrelevant but I am still terribly proud... so will keep dropping names like they fell out of my pocket), that she is a "SOBOLATION". The first time I used it on the earliest Busybody I encountered in boarding school, in the appropriate mind-your-business context mind you, everyone looked at me like I spoke parseltongue.

SO, seeing this video by veteran musician Labaja confirmed, Sobolation is indeed a word not a creative insult I invented to shut a nosy parker!

That is all.

Oh, and I love the impromptu concert on the busy Lagos street!

I heard.....

"Carpe Diem Quam Minimum Credula Postero."

"Seize The Day And Place No Trust In Tomorrow."

-Horace

Favourite Things

Love Sonnet XI

I crave your mouth, your voice, your hair.
Silent and starving, I prowl through the streets.
Bread does not nourish me, dawn disrupts me, all day
I hunt for the liquid measure of your steps.
I hunger for your sleek laugh,
your hands the color of a savage harvest,
hunger for the pale stones of your fingernails,
I want to eat your skin like a whole almond.

I want to eat the sunbeam flaring in your lovely body,
the sovereign nose of your arrogant face,
I want to eat the fleeting shade of your lashes,

and I pace around hungry, sniffing the twilight,
hunting for you, for your hot heart,
like a puma in the barrens of Quitratue.

Pablo Neruda, another favourite.

I heard.....

"Don't be all up on your significant other, all vulturesque like Impending Danger."

-How To Get You & Keep You A Man...by a commenter on verysmartbrothas.com

LOL.