"Houston, We Have A Problem!!"

Before going to bed yesterday night I decided to unwind by taking a look at some blogs to keep abreast with the world of celebrity goss. Oh! necolebitchie.com showed me something that boggled my mind, chastised my spirit and frustrated my soul…twas a video paying tribute to the man that the world no go let quench, Michael Jackson.

Now, I got over the death the day it happened because well, we weren’t friends like that if you know what I mean*side-eyes self* But apparently, some*does air quotes* people are refusing to let things go. That’s how I came across this video staring Boys II Men, The Boxer That Could (Chris ‘Breezy’ Brown)……and The Game.*blank stare*

So I pressed play and watched with my face screwed up in the often imitated ‘What The Hell?!?!’ position like so:

Fascinated and horrified in equal bouts by the opportunistic use of someone’s death for money making & fame whoring! Two good things came out of this video though. First, Boys II Men. Need I say more?!?!Anything that can bring them back together making melodies is a-alright with me homie!!! Granted I’m awfully biased seeing as the ‘Nathan Michael Shawn Wanya’ album…was the soundtrack to many laughter-inducing high school memories…… AND the fact that I am still holding out for a man that will sing ‘I do’ from that album to me on my wedding day, I was more than happy to hear Boys II Men harmonizing for whatever cause, in this ‘tribute video’

2nd good thing, Chris Breezy. With all the madness surrounding him lately, I almost forgot I actually like his sound and the music he makes. Although the fact that this negro could engage in a full blown fight with an island girl(Yeah I said it! You have heard before now that black women are all sorts of crazy [no matter how civilized we act in front of company, don’t be fooled!]….but I believe a special place is reserved in negro heaven for women from the Islands….Rumour has it that they are the modern Antieneria race that historians thought had died) Antianeira literally translates to ‘Women who fight like men’...this made me question Chris Brown's own self-esteem, mental state and general love for himself. I mean, why do that to yourself?!

So yeah, I am slightly in awe of Breezy's audacity in taking on an Island gyal, lawd knows one of them looks at me like ‘What nigga???!?! What?!?!’ and I’m shamelessly begging for forgiveness. Immediately. On the other hand his antics had me reading the news with an ‘Oooh I wish a nigga would!!!’ look on my face. Seriously if a man beat me I don’t even know what I would do! I suspect it would involve bleaching clothes, scratching cars, rat poisoning, prank calling bosses at random hours and leaving threatening messages from your phone….all while crying like a woman in a Craig David video and softly singing Emotions, Irreplaceable or other such Destiny Child man-eater inspired songs. In other words, I would go Angela-Bassett-crazy on you. So don’t do it…..But I digress. I was saying the song reminded me that Chris can indeed carry a tune in a bucket.

BUT, all of this goodness did not distract me from the fact that The Game looks like an Aba merchant or that he seems like somebody with body odour or indeed that the song deserves a MIGHTY side eye. I mean, I knew it was going to be problematic when The Game started his rap with the words, “I’m Michael Jackson, you’re Michael Jackson.” Er,no negro, I aint. And neither are you so stop this foolishness and go back under your rock of irrelevancy.

Watch the video and see how serious he is taking this whole thing, like his name is Sir Game Jackson…actually at some point he does in fact say ‘We are all Jacksons’*sigh* Seriously, why?...why though?

I guess I should know better, after all this is a man with tattoos on his face.I strongly believe any homo sapien of adult age and the capacity to reason, who tattoos his face IS actually as stupid as you suspect they might be when u first see them…because it shows a lack of foresight….which in turn shows a propensity for foolishness(e.g. Nigerian leaders; shortsightedness is directly proportional to gross acts of foolishness. Tried, tested & trusted baby!!). So The Game is stupid.....If you look stupid( tattoos on his face, Michael Jackson tattoo on his arm….seriously, a tattoo of Michael at the graveyard scene of the Thriller video where he looked corpse ugly??!!Really though??), you sound stupid(spewing forth phrases like “….we are Michael Jackson”)…then by golly, you ARE stupid!

Long story short, I understand where Boys II Men are coming from with this song, they were famous at the same time as MJ in the early 90's and probably met him a few times. Brown is obviously influenced by Jackson as he has said wayyyy before now, and did in fact meet and perform with him. But The Game?….is an irrelevant pseudo-thug opportunist who has jumped on the band wagon and is like that person at the funeral who hardly knew the dead yet cries even louder than all the family members. He is a Professional Mourner.