1.When violent Pentecostal prayers of the “All evil spirits summersault and die by fire” variety come up to God, do you think He lazily stares down at all the shouting, binding and casting, rolls His eyes and mutters “Miss me with that foolery today please”?
2.Actually, do you think prayers focused on chasing demons go up or down? If they are so focused on evil spirits, what is God supposed to do with them really? It’s like mail forwarded to the wrong address isn’t it?
3.Do you think some married women really resent their husbands and the nagging is just passive aggressive behaviour? I mean a size 6 woman marries and after 2 kids becomes a size16…..I’m hard pressed to believe she doesn’t think “…You idiot bastard of a gremlin-looking man, you are my biggest mistake! See the shoe-faced midgets you’ve made me born, no bride price for this children definitely!*vicious African hiss*”. Can we honstly believe that such women don’t have ‘2,398 Sure-fire Ways To Kill Your Husband’ paperback edition, catalogued in her minds’ library.
4.If Eve was made from her husbands’ rib and not by God directly does that make her her husbands daughter and therefore incestuous? Or just a bastard, cause she had no father? Neither?
5.If gay men are not even vaguely interested in women in THAT way, and are not women (regardless of how many times they snap their fingers in ‘Z’ formation while rolling their necks, and wear heels and make up…and skirts with half tops…and glide along the city streets clutching their boyfriends hands and giving you the *Girl don’t make me take this to a “hold my earrings” moment, you better stop staring at my man* side-eye….(or is that only in San Francisco*sigh*))….why are they the authority on women’s fashion…???....If I hear one more gay man (in my street or my screen) go “Girrlll you working those shoes like a drag queen on a Thursday night”…oh it’s going to be on like popcorn I tell you! Oh, and is the myth about the gay man and the black woman true?!?!
6. Why does Eve have Ghana-weaving with red (or Ozzzz-BLOD according to Nigerian market women) extensions on her head in the ‘Who’s That Girl’ video????!?!?!? Seriously, I just saw that video on telly yesterday!!! Youtube it! And why didn’t anyone lodge a complaint with the Censory Board??!... Allowing all this foolishness to go unchecked, influencing our youths and breeding even more hoodrats in the Oakland area.*Shakes head*
7.Why do people at techno clubs dance like they are listening to invisible ipods? Like how can you ACTIVELY go against the beat?!?! Honestly, I think every black person must go to a techno club at least once. I was hoodwinked into doing this and I swear it is actually much harder to dance against the beat PERSISTENTLY for 5 hours straight than you would think! I gained a new found respect for Caucasians on that day.
8.Why, despite the fact that there are more black people in America than in England, do I feel more black then I have ever felt before now that I’m in America ?? Riddle me this Batman, why did this anglo-saxon girl who worked in the school library and had seen me everyday…so knew my propensity for hood-rat behaviour was severely limited…. insist on the one day she came out with me and my friends to speak to ONLY me in a negro-fied tongue I didn’t understand ?!? Throwing words like “we was”, “girlfriend guuuuurrrrlll”, “conversate” etc, at me and turning round to my non-black friends and speaking in normal, decent-human English……I was confused. Everytime she spoke to me I had to check behind me in case Shaniqua had suddenly appeared behind me, asking to be condescended to.
9.Why do people insist that humans are all the same because underneath our skin, everyone’s blood is red? Er, yeah…cows bleed in red and you don’t see us holding hands and singing ‘Kumbaya’ with them, WTH?!?! I think we aren’t the same and that’s ok and I am inherently suspicious of people who say they don’t notice people’s races….Uhmmmm, you need more people to confirm that tale mate!!! I think human beings are divided but I don’t think we are divided along racial lines, its more like cultural ones so an Anglo-saxon raised Nigerian will have that often imitated, never duplicated Nigerian swagger(on a hundred thousand trillion kobo*)
10.What purpose does the belt serve?
EPIC.FAIL.
*thanks andeevah & ada
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