Time Keeper.

Either I have the best friends in the world or my jaded parents were wrong when they insisted humans are inherently wicked and that we eat nothing at certain houses we visited as kids due (apparently) to the voluminous number of evil souls masquerading as kind aunties and benevolent uncles. Regardless of the warnings, I was one of those children that always ate heartily at every house I was invited to,to my mothers eternal annoyance! And I still turned out normal(SAVE YOUR COMMENTS!!!I am perfectly normal!lol). Long story short, I love my FRRRIIIIENNNDDSS!!!!

So, I have decided to take my studying back to the old school, I mean boarding school Nigerian style. Waking up at ungodly hours and sleeping at times when only Queens of the night are conducting their stroll in a bid for pecuniary rewards. All in the name of studying. Yes, it’s a Pass-The-Bar-Or-Die trying diet I am operating on! I have now gotten a few of my friends here who really want to do the same but the thought of waking up at dusk had these wonderful anglo-saxons looking at me like I’d morphed into one of the said Night Queens. I have encouraged them with the use of serious ‘Obamagery’, throwing round words like HOPE, YES WE CAN, GREATNESS etc….I even had to draw from the dictionary of Miracle of Fire Ministries and I began to throw around some “WE CAN DEFEAT THE ENEMY!!!!!’s.

Anyways so all of this has made me the time keeper of my group of students. I am now that most hated of positions in secondary school; The Bell Ringer. This person could very easily have been the leper in Biblical times who walked around with a bell screaming “UNCLEAN, UNCLEAN” 'cause that's exactly how you were made to feel after ringing that bell waking everyone up…You came back to the hostel to blurry eyed-side-eyes being thrown at you, evil mutterings towards you by disgruntled seniors and full-on cussing yo’ momma and entire family out by the junior who dare not breathe a word aloud.

But I digress, as the Time Keeper of the Bar Class of 09 (a title I have conferred on myself as a true Nigerian...you know we love to confer all sorts of irrelevant and foolish but self-important titles on ourselves). It is my duty to wake everyone up (and be cussed out). And my wonderful friends who are currently across the 'pond' *sob* and in a very different time zone were asked to be my human chronometers after I verbally and physically assaulted my alarm clock for having the bloody audacity…imagine the nerve of this non-living being!....to wake me up in the middle of my saving Kanye from himself....

My friends took the task very seriously, dilligently waking me up with ‘You need to study’…..’You can do it’…..and of course the always helpful ‘MY FRIEND! ARE YOU CRAZY?! WHY STILL SLEEPING!!!?!?!”…..*sigh* If you don’t have people around you who wake you up with laughter, I suspect you are wasting time on this earth oh!